Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year, New ???

So much pressure- to resolve something, change something, be better than ever.

But it is also potentially very powerful, to call this day, or every day, "New" and invite oneself to the clean canvas. To the place of deciding how to create the next hours, days and weeks of one's life.

I wonder if I can find the right moments to tell my sons- let go of what is behind that hasn't served you well. Just shed it. Open mind, heart, eyes to what can be ahead. Choose to expand your life, your experience, your awareness, your giving. There is something about teaching them to avoid "ruts" in living, teaching them not to waste themselves on dead-end things, teaching them to act on their instincts and follow loves and leads until their thirst is quenched...there is something pulling at me, making me want to teach THEM those lessons.

And I know I need to be one to live them as well. I know I tend to get ready and then aim, and re-aim, and aim again...in all aspects of my life. And that I am very slow to pull back the arrow and let it fly.

Right now, I feel a desire to learn. To get formal education that will enable me to share my tenderness and care with the broader world. The stage seems to be open for me to do this in my work setting; for me to play a semi-counseling role in the Breakthrough schools (six schools and growing). I say "semi" because I have no training to do this...this thing that I think of as a school and family counseling role. Only life experience has trained me. I'd like this to be the year that I receive formal training so that I can create a role in which I help students manage and understand and value the emotional side of themselves. A role in which I can help parents be more in love with their role as parents.

Life gave me an earlier chance to give my tenderness to the world through work. I was admitted to medical school 30 years ago, and turned away from that opportunity. Years after, I was in a setting in which I felt strongly called to pursue nursing. I didn't insist that my husband support me in that quest, and again, gave in/gave it up and turned to my role as a mother- giving all of myself there.

I would tell my sons that they need to see the openings now. That they need to believe there is a way to support an education that will equip them to be in the world in the way they want to be. I might even tell them that they owe it to our world to do that. Don't hide your light. Feed the flame and let it shine.

So much pressure, these resolutions.

I resolve to put greater attention to equipping myself to more effectively and broadly share my tenderness and my care with our world.

Happy new canvas to you, too.

No comments: